I did not have a Valentine this Valentine's Day. I did not have a boyfriend. Someone to give a special gift to. Someone to go to dinner with. Someone to celebrate the holiday with. To receive flowers from (although, there was the call from the security desk while I was at work, telling me I had a package to pick up....they called the wrong person -- that's neither here nor there)
So by any normal set of female standards, my reaction to the impeding holiday should have been this:
or this...
or this...
And maybe any other Valentine's Day from spent without a "special someone" I might have felt like this. This year however was much different and this is how I truly felt:
Because I have had plenty of awkward Valentine's Days. I've spent the holiday going out to dinner, having received a gift, a silly card, maybe some candy and in return given a gift (that I spent hours worrying about). It was just going through the motions. Fulfilling an obligation to celebrate the day that our society has placed on us. Was there love? No. Just pure awkwardness. (says a lot about my previous dating choices) It was not lovey dovey perfection like that of which Hallmark markets with their greeting cards. They should add a disclaimer: LOVEY DOVEYNESS NOT INCLUDED
This Valentine's day however was different. It was full of LOVE. Isn't that what it's about? LOVE. Love can not be boxed into "a boyfriend/girlfriend". You can't associate LOVE solely on a boyfriend-girlfriend-spouse. Love comes from all sorts of different places!! This year, I recognized that and soaked every ounce of it up.
I recognized it when I woke up in the morning. Looking outside at creation and knowing the God who created the heavens and the earth loves ME more than anything. Knowing I always have that deep love was enough to get me through the day. It's always enough.
I recognized love when I went to have lunch with my Little at her school, and was blown away by classroom of 5th graders. Surrounded by their sweet innocence. She and her classmates made me feel more welcome than anyone my age ever has. They made me laugh, they gave me Valentine candy, they performed African dance for me, they all hugged me when I left. These kids, made me feel so special and loved.
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| My Little did NOT want to take a picture! haha |
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| Breakfast for lunch on a school tray! |
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| All the candy I got from the sweethearts! |
I recognized love when talking to friends throughout the day. Their love is so overwhelmingly beautiful. I couldn't ask for better friends. God has truly blessed me.
I was brought to tears when I opened my front door to leave and the most beautiful, vibrant, colorful, breathtaking, skyfilling sunset hit me in the face. It was as if God, instead of placing a dozen red roses on my doorstep, threw that up special just for me at that very moment.
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| This picture does not do the sunset justice at all. |
At the end of the day, I hesitantly walked into Panera ALONE (fearing people would judge the single girl grabbing takeout). I came home, and as I sat --- alone --- eating my taking takeout --- with only the sounds of the movie playing on TV, I couldn't help but laugh at the irony.
There I was more alone on Valentine's Day than ever before, yet filled with more Love on Valentine's Day than any other Valentine's Day before.
I fell asleep so blessed, so thankful for all the love in my life. Love I know some people never experience.
And dear husband, don't you worry, my heart is so filled with love for you right now. You crossed my mind so much on this day. Not in a sad way, but in an exciting way! I love you so much already, and I can't wait for one day to celebrate our love together on this day and many more!
Love you guys!!!
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