Christians are Super Humans!

A vent.

I've recently been reminded that as a Christian, I am indeed a perfect super human!!!! I have perfect love. Am completely forgiving. I show grace and mercy to all. And would you believe that I don't sin!?

...well that's what some people think. And when you aren't a Jesus clone, when you miss the mark of perfection you are marked-
a hypocrite
a poor Christian
a poor excuse for a human being
a selfish individual
no better than scum on the bottom of a shoe

Why yes, you who marks, you are correct. I'm not perfect, because I'm not Jesus. He is the ONLY human that can claim that.

I truly wish that people didn't expect me to be Jesus. Expect perfection out of those that seek His face.  As a Christian, my number one priority is to love God and seek His will in all I do. End of story.

It doesn't mean that I will always succeed. It doesn't mean I'm perfect or trying to be. It doesn't mean I don't sin. It doesn't mean I always make the right choice. And I don't claim any of those things either.

I wear one mark. It's the only mark I will acknowledge by the only One authorized to mark a person.

I wear the mark of LOVED from our maker.
A forever love that includes sweet mercy, unending forgiveness, and so much more.

Your marks don't hurt me. I already know I'm not perfect. :)

Judge Judy

A lesson on passing  judgment

I’ve been anticipating May for quite some time now. Mainly because May meant my cell phone contract was up and I would be able to renew and therefore get an upgrade. I desperately needed this upgrade as I had broken my last smart phone and was using a friend’s old iPhone.  Very thankful for that phone, but it was slower than molasses.

The time finally came and I headed to the store for the long anticipated phone upgrade! I was waiting patiently in line for the next customer service representative to help me.  There were three. The first guy seemed to run the place and maybe was the manager, he looked around mid twenties. The second, a female, although I had trouble deciding that since her hair was shaved like a guys. Then there was the third rep who was a normal looking girl, maybe early twenties.

I decided that I DID NOT want to be helped by customer rep #2. This came from a mere judgement of her appearance.

I started calculating who would be the service customer service rep to help me. I tried to guess where they were at in their transactions with their current customers and who the two guys in front of me would be helped by.  According to my calculations, I was pretty positive that I wouldn’t have to be helped by the girl that gave me the heebie jeebies.

It came down to it, and heebie jeebie girl actually disappeared. That eased my soul. I let out a sign of relief. Well if she’s not here she won’t have to help me. It was at this same moment that the Lord whispered to me gently as He often does, about how judgemental I was being.

I stopped.
 Recognized.
 Was utterly Shocked.
As I try my best to not ever judge anyone. I couldn't believe myself and was highly ashamed.

Lo and behold it was my turn, ole’ girl was still missing but just my luck would have it  the customer service guy told me I could have a seat at her station and she’d be right with me.

Twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinge. UGH. GO FIGURE.

Then, as usual, the Lord hit me on the head.

This young lady , who I was so hesitant to have help me, who I had judged, who I had labeled, who I had cast a stone at, this girl was the most pleasant and sweetest girl. She was hilarious and  so helpful throughout the whole transaction.  After everything was said and done and I was set up with my new phone I thought to myself how I was glad that she was the one that helped me. I was honored to have had her help me. If I had it all over to do again, I wouldn’t want either of the other representatives to have helped me, only her.

I felt so ashamed of myself. So disgusted with myself that I would think such thoughts.  Judge someone just by their appearance.

Judge anyone at all. It's not my place.

Am I magically cured from being judgemental? No, I'm human. I'm sure I will do it plenty more times in life. However, I will remember this lesson and nip any judgemental thoughts in the bud more quickly.

It's More

A lesson in living the life.
I was just thinking the other day about walking the walk, not being a casual Christian and these thoughts came to me. I think so often it's so easy to get carried away with the image of being a Christian, with all the works, and it's SO much more than that! So I jotted some words down. Here they are:

It's more.

It's more than just praying for your food.
More than wearing a Christian T-shirt
Than saying God Bless you
Saying I'll pray for you

It's more than going to church on Sunday
Raising your hands while you sing
It's more than a weekened retreat
More than attending a bible study

It's more than being a good person
Trying to do the right thing
More than hanging a cross on your wall

It's more than not using profanity
It's more than not lying, cheating, stealing, or committing adultery

What it is . Is complete surrender. Surrender of your heart, mind, and soul

It's living by the Word, loving Jesus, letting it ooze out of your pores. It's letting God take total control of your thoughts, actions and words. Fighting the flesh and letting God make your decisions and lead you.

It's letting Love come in, take control, and letting it back out

"Whoever wants to be my Disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me daily"

-Luke 9:23

1,000 Situps Might Give You Abs

A lesson on enduring through trials

I've been learning a lot of lessons lately. The hard way. It was never promised to us, as Christians, that life will be perfect. That everything would go our way and we would have no hardships. That friendships would be perfect, families wouldn't fall apart, disease wouldn't take lives, there would be no financial troubles. It was actually said that we would face persecution and trials. John 16:33 says:

"I told you these things so that you would have peace in me. In this world you WILL have trouble. But be brave! I have overcome the world!"

I imagine someone full of energy and spunk holding a cardboard sign with BE BRAVE in glittery letters shouting this verse full of excitement as if they've just won the lottery.  The only desire I have is to punch them square in the face and throw their sign in the mud. Especially in my times of trouble. Yeah. I get it. Jesus overcame the world. But when things are hard, when life sucks, that truth is really hard to hold close to your heart. You want to give up. Retreat. The last thing I want to do is "be brave" and "have peace", even though that's what we are supposed to do.

It's HARD!!!! REALLY HARD!

The past few months my heart had been put through the ringer. An on again off again situation with a guy details aside, just made me feel worthless, not good enough, second class. I did not want to be brave, I did not want to have peace, I wanted a magical relationship. I didn't understand where the good in any of it could be. The purpose of this season.

Thinking back on it at this very moment I almost laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, wishing I could go back in time and give myself a hug and say "You will come out of this stronger! I know it sucks and it hurts, but you will overcome! Be brave, don't lose hope."

As I was pondering life during a run last week it dawned on me. Persecution/trials they are like going to the gym and working out. Only a small percentage of human beings actually LIKE to workout. Let's not lie, it sucks sometimes. If you haven't done it in a while, it hurts. It hurts really bad. The pain doesn't just sting and go away. The pain lingers for a few days as your muscles become sore. You get sweaty and stinky, you might even injure yourself. I would also say that the percentage of people who regret a workout is very minimal, if that at all. You see, after we exercise the outcome is a healthier body. We are stronger, able to take on more physical things in the world. We look better, feel better. Those endorphins start flowing through our veins and we feel as if we can take over the world!!!

The reason why I laughed earlier this week, is because I laughed at my teeny tiny puny human brain. The brain that didn't see the positive outcome, the brain that wasn't 'peacful' and 'brave'. You see, I've since come out of my rut. I've learned alot from the situation. I've matured when it comes to dealing with relationships. I have a new perspective on the man God has for me. I'm closer to my Jesus than ever before. I'm actually grateful it occurred. It definitely was not fun to go through by any means, I will liken it to doing 1,000 sit ups in a row. However, if that's what it took to get me to where I am today, I would do it all over again. Sometimes it takes 1,000 sit ups to get a nice set of abs! And when those abs come, it's worth it! God's got our back! I love that.

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.
 Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

- Psalm 37:23-24

Not enough time in the day. For all the words in my head.

I don't know if there is "a lesson" here, however, I got a text from my BFITWWW (Best Friend In The Whole Wide World) Shira yesterday, it read "Caught up on your blog...You need to keep writing!!". She is so right, the Lord is really showing me new things everyday and I haven't been disciplined enough to write them out for the whole wide world to see, and for me to reflect back on later. So, thanks to the push from my friend Shira, tonight...I write!

Seeing as how I'm playing Blog Catch-Up these will probably be out of order. I intend to get a lot pushed out the next couple days. I've got to take it slow though, so I'll just start with one experience at a time.

I'll start with the best run of my life!

My running life is on again off again. I build endurance up to run a good 4 miles, then I get lazy and lose it all, until I start back up again. Usually what pushes me back is when something emotional happens in life and I need someway to exert the issues at hand. Get the adrenaline pumpin', endorphins flowing!

My Park!

Recently, I've had such an event, so what have I started to do? RUN.

Right after work I've been going to one of my favorite places to run. It's an old Civil War battleground turned park. I love to run through and think about what literally took place there years ago, and after about one minute of serious thinking, I have more fun with it and pretend I'm Pocahontas running to see Grandmother Willow. (but shhhh don't tell anyone that!)

This past week I had a particulary AMAZING run. I would almost call it a romantic date with the Love of my Life, my Savior, my Jesus, my Lord. He knows how to make me smile. :)

I left with the most incredible high feeling so utterly and amazingly loved. It's times like these, that I can't comprehend while people don't believe He is real. Why people choose to not follow Him. I just don't get it. He is ever so present in my life I can't chalk it up to coincedince.

These stories, these experiences, this love shown to me, it's my testimony and I have to share it. So I will:

The park I go run too has a couple of bridges. The first bridge crosses a small body of water, it leads to the center of the "forest" where my running trails are. On this particular day when I showed up, there was not another single soul in sight (which is out of the ordinary). The weather was perfect, the sun was shining. I approached the bridge and this is what I saw:

I'd never seen so many birds lined up on the bridge like this before, on either side. I stood in awe for a moment. Still thinking how weird it was that no one else was here. I figured the birds would all fly away at once as soon as I stepped foot onto the bridge. But to my surprise they didn't!

As I started walking along the bridge, one by one, on each side as I approached the birds took flight.

It was the MOST amazing, beautiful things to walk through. If I could coordinate this for my wedding day, that'd be great! It was as if God sent these birds down to welcome me into His wilderness for my run. It was nothing less than magical and gave me goosebumps. So I tried to soak it up, and walked as slow as I could.

SIDE NOTE:

One of the gifts I feel God has given me is the Gift of having random thoughts. I love them, they make me feel like myself. But sometimes, they aren't there. Usually when I'm stressed out and thinking too much about serious things. Lately. They've been gone.

SIDE NOTE OVER

I continue on my run thinking, okay that was SUPER AWESOME, and not expecting much more. (little did I know, God doesn't just bring flowers when He comes to your door to pick you up!)

I start thanking God for nature and everything in it, that I'm able to love it and really enjoy it. I know some people HATE being outside, so I'm thankful I'm NOT one of those people. I start telling the Lord how I feel closest to Him when I'm outside, and how I want my wedding to be outdoors for that simple fact. Then a still small voice creeps into my head...

"..He went into the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights.."

OH.     MY.      GOSH JESUS WAS CLOSEST TO GOD IN NATURE TOOOOO!!!!!! That's where Jesud went to get away from it all, just like I do! Why had this never dawned on me before!? I was so excited to have my thoughts back! These revalations, these epiphanies! I suddenly wanted to go on a camping trip with Jesus. I wonder if he would like smores? Would he like his hotdog burnt like I do? Actually He probably wouldn't eat a hotdog. Maybe we could go find some wildberries to nibble on.

Unfortunately I've made a commitment to meet a friend and must stop now. However, I will be back to finish later! Stay tuned! It gets good! :D

Personal Notes to remind me of stuff later:

1. I've never seen the birds that way before and havent since then. 

Disney and Death both start with a D. {STILL CONSTRUCTING}

A lesson on not fearing the "D" word.

Death.


I think about it a lot. I don’t openly express these thoughts to others, so I don’t know if it’s abnormal or not since I don’t get feedback.

I think about how it might happen. Dying that is. I’m paranoid it will happen soon. I visualize the semi-truck in traffic next to me exploding and how it will feel. I wonder if it will hurt. I wonder if I’ll be aware. I’m scared of the inevitable. It’s not something I can escape. But it’s hard to face. The unknown of when and how. And what exactly will happen on that day.

Death saddens me. Scares me. It shouldn’t. I know that I get to go home and be with my Heavenly Daddy. That in itself should put my mind at ease.

But. Nonetheless, it does not.

I think in analogies. I comprehend in analogies. Things take a new perspective and make sense in analogies. So naturally I sat down and tried to create an analogy of death and heaven. Something to make it make more sense, to make me feel at peace with the idea of death and heaven. This is what I came up with, well, what I’m sure the Lord placed in my head to comfort me.

When I first think about death, I think about Heaven. My feeble human mind can’t wrap my mind around it. A perfect place that you wouldn’t want to leave?! That you aren’t scared to enter even though you’ve never been there and you don’t know what to expect? Is there such a place? Surely everyplace gets old and boring after a while? There is no place I would want to stay forever. Surely there is anxiety walking into anything of the unknown.

I sat and pondered. What is my most FAVORITE place in the world?! That was easy. DISNEY WORLD!!!!

The Oh So Magical place. Where dreams, literally…mine did, come true. The place where you are the star, where sadness doesn’t live. Where you feel like you've left the earth and entered in some other dimension of the universe where nothing bad exists. A place where all your troubles go away and the time you are inside all is right in the world. The front door to Disney is the Exit door of reality…wow, I just came up with that, I like it! :P

I thought back to the first time I ever went to Disney. I was 8 years old, and I stepped into the Magic Kingdom for the first time. I wasn’t scared, I was in awe. I was so amazed by the colors of people’s uniforms. The colors of the buildings. The magical music playing over the speakers. The smells of all kinds of delicious foods. The sounds of laughter and joy. Feeling so welcome by the cast members. It was perfect.

And so. I think that’s how heaven will be. I won’t be scared, I will be in awe. I will be so amazed by the colors of people’s uniforms. The colors of the buildings. The heavenly music playing over the speakers. The smells of all kinds of delicious foods. The sounds of laughter and joy. Feeling so welcome by the love of my life, my Jesus.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:38 NLT



If only I had checked my email!

A lesson on Endurance.

Recently I was taught a lesson. THE HARD WAY. This is by far the worst possible way to learn a lesson. But alas, the point is made.

Many of you might be familiar with the show Saturday Night Live. It is filmed in NY and I've always wanted to go to a taping, sit in the audience, the whole shebang. Well if you don't know anything about getting a ticket let me give you the rundown. There are two different ways.

1. Wait in the standby line at the butt crack of dawn

(And by butt crack I mean 4:30a.m).

In the freezing cold. For hours. Until you think you are going to die from frostbite.

(Because it's ALWAYS cold in NY especially in January!)

Get a standby ticket. Return that evening. Wait in line even longer.  Hope ticket holders don't show up and you get to go in the show!!!

This option I've tried.

However. This story ends sadly. We returned that evening and did not get to see the show. However our numbers (30,31,32) weren't that bad compared to the HUNDREDS of people there.

I WON'T MENTION THE FACT THAT I MISSED MICHAEL BUBLE!

Then there is the other way:

2. Every August NBC Studios opens their lottery for SNL tickets. You email them your contact information and you are put into the lottery for tickets. You will only hear from them if you are selected to receive tickets. You are in the running to get tickets until the next August when the lottery starts over. 

So of course August rolls by and I submit my information! Month after month I check my email. Hoping that I would see an email from NBC telling me I had SNL tickets waiting for me!

Well it never happened. And I sort of gave up on the process. I thought surely I won't get tickets. My information probably got transposed. Every negative thought entered my mind. The email address I submitted was an email address I don't frequently use...and so I stopped checking it.

About a week ago something led me to check this certain email address. And lo and behold I see this!!!

I START FREAKING OUT!!! NO WAY COULD IT BE!! I GOT TICKETS OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!!

I think..."When is April 9!!! How much time do I have!!! That's this weekend!!...wait...it's May...April was last month"

TOTAL FAIL.

I wish I could say that this story ended differently. That I continued to be hopeful for tickets, was checking my email every day until August. That I got tickets went to the show and it was amazing.

But it's not. Instead it's a story about how I gave up and missed out on something great. How many times in life do we give up on things, and miss out something great? In this circumstance, I saw what I missed out on. But I think, sometimes, when we give up, when we grow weary of running the race, we miss out on amazing things, sometimes never knowing what we even missed out on.



I have a big problem with giving up. I have a very low self esteem and pessimistic attitude sometimes. But God is helping me through that. And through this situation He has showed me to never ever ever ever give up. Because you could miss out on the wonderful things He has planned for you.

Darn. I should have kept checking my email!



In starbucks at 8 am. Warming up after getting our standby tickets.





Jon, Me and Mark. Buddies from work. We all braved the cold together! Jon hadn't even slept because he was out partying all night.